How to Stop “Forcing Yourself” to Do Something
“How do I even get the motivation to work on my mental health? I have zero motivation to do anything.”
I’ve been there. Until I found techniques that worked for me to make motivation a bit easier. I found that forcing myself to do things altered my nervous system that something is wrong, which led to more avoidance or burnout later on.
Here are the techniques I use. Please note that these are not necessarily quick fixes (and sometimes they can help quickly).
Intermittent reward: According to neuroscientist Dr. Huberman, it's important not to reward yourself after every accomplished task because that motivates people more than consistent reward. Instead, flip a coin to decide if you get a reward or not when you complete a task you've been putting off.
Mental rehearsal (at least 5 min): According to Dr. Narineh Hartoonian, "Visualization allows us to rehearse our anticipated movements and over time primes our brain and body to more accurately and effectively execute an action" (source). Thinking about the movements are a good way to bring yourself in the right state of mind to get started, and it gives you a chance to design how you want it to look. Fast, slow, playful, mindful, etc.
Visualization of the end goal (at least 5 min): If you imagine the positive emotion you think you will feel after completing your task (pride in yourself, relief, happiness, etc.), you're suggesting to your subconscious that the activity is worth it. Where would that emotion be in your body? What would you see around you? Touch? Taste? Hear? Smell? You can use the technique above if you can’t notice your feelings right now.
If you are feeling numb in the moment and can’t access your feelings, no problem. Think of someone you love, care about, or even an acquaintance you think is nice. Picture them completing this task and what they’d look like if they are feeling proud of themselves and relieved. Where do you imagine their feelings would be in their bodies? Imagine those feelings were represented as images. What shape would those feelings take? Colors? Textures?
Visualizing someone else accomplishing a task works because we have mirror neurons, which are “a type of brain cell that respond equally when we perform an action and when we witness someone else perform the same action” (source). You can try both methods to see what works for you best.
It’ll start making a difference in your motivation when the positive emotion you think you’ll experience is stronger than the discomfort you’re trying to avoid by resisting the action. The sheer idea that something is worth it is going to create a little more space in your mind for the possibility to do something you’ve been putting off.
Habit stacking: Pair a habit you do regularly with one you are trying to build (e.g., after you turn on your coffee pot, look for people who have the kind of life you want). Rick Hoyle, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke, said, "Adding a new habit to an existing routine sets up an automatic prompt to proceed with the new habit because your brain has an established pattern from which to build the new routine” (source).
Body doubling: Doing tasks at the same time as someone else--either live or virtually, with or without talking--can encourage you to get something done. A 2019 study found that social encounters activate the dopamine pathway, which boosts motivation. Ask a loved one to sit with you on a video call while you two do separate tasks—you can work on “the game,” and your loved one can get some chores done. If you don’t want to ask someone you know, you can match with someone on https://bodydoubling.com or Focusmate, which has three free sessions per week. Please use them at your discretion, as I haven’t personally used these sites before.
Choose one to experiment with for a week or even just a day. What works? What doesn’t? Do you notice any shift in your actions, even if they’re tiny? If not, email me at onyourtermsmentoring@gmail.com for additional tips.
